There used to be a coffee shop in my town. Every day they had a two-part secret phrase that would let you get drugs, but it sounded like an order. I think I activated it one time. “Can I please get a double-double with whip cream?” “Sure. How’s your dog Mittens?” “I have no dog?!” Later, the coffee shop shut down because they got caught drug trafficking. They would double cup the coffee orders that had the drugs, and put the drugs in between the paper cups.
That’s a fun way to do it.
This was an entire episode of Castle (the guy from Firefly) except it was a Pizza shop.
I’ve never seen Castle, but I was pretty sure you were referring to Nathan “the guy from Firefly” Fillion. Ouch.
Captain Hammer?
Gunnery Sergeant Edward Buck
The uh… The rookie…
I remember reading a story about something like that at KFC. And the code phrase was you wanted an extra biscut or something.
Every mattress store you’ve ever seen is likely a front for some shady shit.
You think the money is under the mattress?
Came to say this
It’s way more than one shop. Meh, shop there anyway if you like anything they sell. Chances are your government is blowing ridiculous money on bullshit anyway. Pay cash too when you can. And do everything you can to resist digital spending tracking.
Nah they make good steak and shrimp and they don’t bother me so Ima leave them alone. There are much bigger criminals to worry about in this country than shady local businesses.
Only one? All vape shops are money laundering fronts, until proven otherwise.
One of our customers operates out of two leased “office” trailers next to an old pole barn in the middle of a corn field.
From there, they “operate” 17 different companies, all demanding separate billing from us.
There’s no WAY it’s legit. They have more “official” registered companies than they have office employees.
Edited because mobile sucks
Could it be a landlord situation? It’s pretty cheap to open an LLC. Sometimes landlords will open many of them, an LLC for every rental property they own. It protects them from liability. If something goes really wrong and a tenant sues them for big $$$, the most they risk losing is the single rental house the tenant is renting.
Ironically that’s one of the things they don’t claim to be involved in.
To list some of the things they claim to do
Construction
Hydro excavating
“Tribal Economic Development”
Native American health insurance
“Health” supplements (think: “vitality” pills)
Renewable Energy projects
Manufacturing
Finance
Industrial development (though never actually heard of a won bid)
(all of these entities are “owned” by a Native American- which I’ve alwas suspected is for tax benefit purposes)eh. you know what? let em.
The feds (and white men) have fucked them around for 400 years. Let 'em grift everything they can.
Won’t somebody please think of the landlords?
There are three recently opened smoke and vape shops in my village that are 100% money laundering schemes, they all sell American sweets as well for some reason
In 1991 two small businesses were busted for being fronts for illegal gambling parlors. 30 Cleveland cops were part of the bust. I lived next to both of them at one time. One was a t-shirt printing shop, I forget what the other was. A year later I moved into a neighborhood that had a pizza shop with a very nice sign, no windows and never seemed to be open. It was not uncommon to see a patrol car parked in front
I grew up near a place called the “McGuffin Lumber Company.” It was just a tiny storefront business, and I never saw anyone go in. And, of course, “MacGuffin” is a Hollywood term for an arbitrary thing that motivates the plot of a movie, like the Maltese Falcon in that film. So it was a running gag in my family that it must be a front.
Bakery across from prisoners rights office I used to volunteer at. Went to get a loaf to make a sandwich once. Open shelving all around, mostly bare except for a few dusty loaves. Ask this big, very white man with a head like a four-slice toaster, for said loaf and he goes in the back and comes out with a bag of Wonderbread rofl.
YaYa’s Flam Broiled Chicken. It’s not good. There’s never anybody in the parking lot. But you’re telling me they could move to a bigger location? One that’s a converted bank?? Banks have vaults. For all the laundered money.
Local drive-thru chicken joint took a noticeable dive in quality over the course of about 2 years while I was growing up, then it was on the news that a bunch of people got busted selling crack out of the place.
We had a KFC that got shut down about 20 years ago for selling drugs out of the drive-thru. Good riddance imo, I’ve never in my life had good food from a KFC.
Dan’s Fan City
Charleston S.C.
Subway?
I keep thinking about the pizza store that was opened as a front for the mafia but did such good business that they quit doing the mafia thing and just sold pizzas full-time
There’s an Italian restaurant in Denver (Gaetano’s) that was opened in the 40s to give the mob wives something to keep them busy and to launder money. The mob is long gone, but the restaurant is still pretty popular.
It’s good stuff too!
Had an amazing Chinese restaurant near my old place, really excellent food but always completely deserted. They always seemed so surprised that when we called for takeout and whenever we collected it they’d chat about how busy they’d been, and how bus loads of tourists stop by, it just happens to be empty right now… Uhuh. Surrre. I live in this street, I don’t see busses of anyone. But the food was consistently excellent, so they must have actively not advertised because otherwise they’d been super popular.
A maybe-related but maybe-not story: I heard someone talk about walking into an out-of-the-way pizza place. Inside, there were no customers, but there was one employee and there seemed to be a few guys in suits just standing around talking to him. Everyone there was surprised to see anyone walking in, and even more surprised when he ordered a pizza. The pizza took ages to make, like over a half hour, but he did get a pizza; they handed it to him and hustled him out the door without even taking his money. I think they might’ve even locked the door behind him, I don’t remember.
The way the story goes, he took it home and ate it, and it was the absolute best pizza he’d ever had in his life. But every time he tried to go back after that, the place was closed.
I heard a very similar story, except it was one Italian grandma with a bunch of dudes in suits. She proceeded to serve him the single largest, most elaborate, and most delicious Italian dinner he had ever had. Apparently he could see into the kitchen, and she was making everything from scratch. He was there for like two hours, and she just kept bringing more plates out even though he hadn’t actually ordered anything. All because she was so excited to finally have someone to cook for. She even sat with him to chat, and was clearly happy to just have someone except the angry-looking dudes in suits to talk to. IIRC the suits didn’t even take payment before he was ushered out of the door.
He tried to go back like a week later, but the place was totally deserted.
Your story is so familiar, I wonder if maybe I misremembered that one.
Thought I’d read your exact post before even :)
Whoa, this is like…real-time archaeology of my own brain. I know for sure I’ve read this tweet before (when I was writing it, I was about to write “New Jersey” but that didn’t sound right so I left the state off entirely). I bet I probably have also heard the Italian grandma story, and mixed them both in my head because what are the odds that there are three such stories? (including the one I posted originally about the mafia front that went legit because the pizza biz was better).
Yeah, the one table i saw eating in was a group of young guys in smart suits looking very serious.
I miss the little mob money laundering pizza place that I went to as a kid. Absolutely amazing pizza. Never the same after the feds shut down the drug trafficking ring behind it all and deported the owner.
On the flip side, there’s a local pizza place where I currently live that’s fucking terrible. Some of the worst pizza I’ve ever had. It made me wonder how they could stay in business. Then I found out that name of the business happened to also be the name of the local mafia family.
Local places are always one or the other: either they’re the best thing you’ve ever eaten and you can’t wait to get back there and have it again, or they’re just the worst. I guess that applies to mafia fronts, too.
Sounds like the comic book origin story for Godfather’s Pizza.
