Hatte to be mister smarty-pants here, but empirically if your life was ruined from the start, your chances of recovery through therapy are actually much higher then for someone who ruined it himself/got Ill later on in life.

The thing is: finding therapy that works for you is a process on its own. You will likely have to try a lot of them to find a good one who has free slots. But you will find one eventually and if you have it does help!

Just one word of caution: go to to ones who actually have a Dr./major/magister in psychology and are registered doctors.

I hope you life in a country with good universal healthcare, if so you can just go to a therapist (they offer single sittings for cases like that) and discuss with him what kind of therapy could work for you and what the next address can be.

I am someone who is not religious and believes everyone should have a free decision if they want to live or not, but my galeart says: man, don’t give yourself up, especially not because of damage inflicted on you by others. All the best from germany