“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It’s interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it’s the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don’t think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don’t want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
Ever since I was a young teen, I’ve been exposed to a lot of messaging about mean and harrassment and rape. I was already an extremely isolated kid, and it really drove me further away from women. I really didn’t want to be a creep or make someone uncomfortable, and already had major self-esteem issues, and it really screwed me up tbh. Even during college, the school was super condescending about telling men not to rape people, and it really made me ashamed to be male. 2nd year, I started dating someone, but I just couldn’t continue because I was so uncomfortable with it. I’m certainly an extreme case, but there is a lot of messaging out there affecting people, and not necessarily for the better. I’ve realized I’m trans since then, and apparently this is common in mtf people. In the end, I’m way more comfortable being with men, even though I’m generally less attracted to them physically in general. Anyways, I would LITERALLY NEVER approach a woman romantically in person, it has to be over a dating app of some sort where I know they’re looking for something romantic and we can be upfront about needs and wants. That or they have to be very assertive and unambiguous in person, which very weirdly has actually happened to me.
the exact same thing has happened to me.
went to school and the general social narrative was that “men are all bad people, we should avoid them altogether”, which, of course, is discrimination. The consequence is that you mostly intimidate sensitive guys that way, the guys that aren’t actually a problem. It definitely leads to a lot of mental health issues for young men, especially (later) mtf ones (as i’ve observed).
What we can do about this, I think, is the general strategies against discrimination (point it out, talk about it, etc.) and ask questions such as “she may be offended if i ask her out, but she also may be offended if i don’t ask her out” (girl not feeling pretty, wanting/needing attention, etc.).
Yup. Same exact problem I had growing up. I’m autistic and so I need social rules spelled out for me. The only rule that was explicitly taught to me was that you should never approach a woman unless she wants it. Of course, if you’re autistic, there’s no way of knowing if a woman wants you to approach her, so my reasoning was “okay, that must mean women will proposition guys that they are interested in, or otherwise make their intentions known”. But obviously that isn’t true either. I never fully got the hang of it and have only been lucky that dating apps somewhat streamline that process.